Update on the Match.com Experiment
Men love secretaries. At least, that's the response I'm getting. Since "altering" my profile to make me appear to be a secretary at a large investment bank downtown, the declarations of love just keep pouring in. Below are emails sent from potential suitors, with my comments in blue:
- I know I am outside of your search radius, but I had to send an email to compliment your profile. You seem like a very interesting person. Complex, sophisticated; a nice blend of yin and yang.
- Complex and sophisticated? I state in my profile that I am just as happy at Red Lobster as at any white-tablecloth restaurant. I purposely styled my profile to make the girl seem as "complex and sophisticated" as a Will Farrell flick.
- A 25-year-old claiming to make $150,001+ in "Financial Services" writes: "I especially like the part in your profile about hamburgers and bud light." Note that my profile stated that "Nothing beats hamburgers and a few Bud Lights". That part is actually true, if by "hamburgers" you mean the Foie Gras burger at DB Bistro, and by "Bud Light" you mean "Jameson On The Rocks". I think I'd rather go sober for the rest of my life than drink a beer that had "Lite" in its name.
- Your smile is amazing! From what I have read in your profile you sound like everything I am looking for and then some. You seem very down to earth, well rounded, and most of all a true sweetheart.
- Maybe that's because I state that I'd rather spend 2 weeks' vacation in Dayton, OH than in any exotic locale if the love of my life was from Dayton, OH. Which he would never be...
Some of the emails comment on my profession.
- A 36-year-old man claiming to have an Ivy League MBA writes, "What does your dog do that is so bad? Are the bankers you work under even worse? Just curious." Note that I actually liked his profile and responded back, telling him my real profession and making up the white lie that my job is sometimes so mind-numbingly boring that I feel like a secretary, so referring to myself as a secretary is occasionally more accurate than disclosing my real job title. He never responded back.
- A 26-year old Wall Street trader offers the bit of support: "So, how does a sweet girl like you stand working with a bunch of stuffy egomaniacal bankers? It must be complete hell!"
- A cute Aussie banker writes: "I love the synopsis of your job!"
- An associate at a private equity fund writes: "Clearly you're not spending enough time with big-ego finance types, because you're not getting enough of it at work." I emailed this one again, disclosing that I wasn't really a secretary, although I am treated like one at times which motivated the "job cynicism" in my profile. Never heard back.
- A new-to-the-city Englishman with multiple degrees, who is looking for "someone who I can laugh with (very important) and share some intellectually stimulating conversation with...hopefully over a nice bottle of wine or a couple of beers" writes: "I liked your profile - you seem unique, confident and interesting (and attractive) - I may be someone you might be interested in - I'm ambitious, fun and well traveled and educated - but I think also a genuine, good guy." Again, I emailed him, confessing the truth about my job. Again, radio silence. However, I have to wonder about why he emailed me in the first place if he's seeking intellectually stimulating conversation. I listed my favorite authors as Nicholas Sparks and Dan Brown, for shit's sake, and described myself as the "quintessential girl next door" whose hobbies include "brunch" and "window shopping".
Final Analysis: Men like non-threatening, vapid twits. OK, not all men, but an overwhelming amount of men claiming to make $150,000+ in "Financial Services" have emailed me since I altered my profile to come across as a small-minded, naive little secretary who loves cheap beer and airplane fiction, and doesn't know terribly much about the world outside America.
When the truth is disclosed, they run for the hills. Maybe it's the lie they don't like, and I should wait to spring the truth on them after 3 or 4 dates. I will try this tactic, and keep interested minds posted.