Notes on the Bachelor

Royalty like me

1) L'Zo is as much of a prince as Prince is a prince. Italy is not a monarchy. No legitimate monarchy would let one of its own go on an American network show to "find love". They'll allow their young sons to dress up as Nazis but going on American T.V. is beyond the pale to any legitimate heir to any legitimate monarchy.

2) The three oldest women (of 30, 30, and 27) were kicked off last night. Pattern, much?

3) Stay off the sauce if it makes you speak in tongues.

4) What's with the blonde teacher from California (Jessica? Jennifer?)? I would not let any children within a mile of her vacuous melon for fear that they will develop an acute language disability. I felt the I.Q. points seeping out of my body just by listening to her speak.

5) Erica's got a point. The Bachelor is 34 and has 2 degrees, but doesn't care if his future wife is 10 years younger than him and uneducated if she "has a good heart" (translation: "cooks a tasty casserole and sucks a mean dick"). Usually people who have multiple diplomas seek partners on their intellectual level, unless they're looking for a trophy wife. She's batshit crazy, but I give her credit for calling him out on that one.

6) Agnese's got a point. American women need help. No wonder we're the laughingstock of the rest of the developed world. Just don't use any of that new American slang you used in mixed company once you leave the show. People will think you're stupider than you really are. Agnese also has a much sounder command over the English language than most of the American twits on the show, see, e.g. the Teacher from Florida.

7) Sadie's got a point. If the men were all like Lorenzo, I'd be a virgin, too. She actually didn't piss me off as much this time. I could see her declining a rose if he rubbed her the wrong way (wink, wink, ahem).

8) Who does Desiree think she is? Samantha Jones?

9) Lisa will be to this Bachelor what Kirsten (sp?) was to the Andrew Firestone season. Hated by the girls in the house, completely lies to the Bachelor to his face about her intentions (and her "timeline"), and reeking of smug. I say she gets to the final 2 or 3 before her ruse is blown.

10) Did the producers tell Sarah to spout that "I gave him my heart" monologue after she got the diss? Aside from some bump-n-grinding in the bedroom, we really didn't see the two interact that much. She also seems too good to cry over this cad.

Predictions:

Final 3: Sadie, Lisa, Jennifer.