Selection Saturday

College football's first "big weekend" is approaching, and, as usual, ESPN employs the literary device of alliteration to emphasize the importance of this event (see, e.g. "points in the paint" for college basketball). Selection Saturday is this weekend, so hold onto your britches, we have LSU versus Auburn, Notre Dame versus Michigan (oh, if we could only find a way for both teams to lose), USC versus Nebraska, Oregon versus Oklahoma (can a Pac-10 team other than the Trojans please step up), and a few others that I can't seem to remember looming on the horizon.

And West Virginia still has a cream-puff opponent. If this team ends up in the national championship game, College Football Nation will take a collective dump-o. OK, loyal readers - let's name all the things that are softer than West Virginia's schedule...umm...creme brulee...foie gras...Charmin' toilet paper (with the happy dancing bears)...James Blunt's cock...Mel Gibson's brain...the academic credentials at Akron (according to the N.C. State coach, who apparently thinks N.C. State is some academic powerhouse)...LSU's arguments that USC does not deserve a share of the 2003 NC (which brings me to)

The Times, They Ain't A-Changin', at least for LSU Fans

It's 2006. Why are you still bitching about USC winning the AP title in 2003? Sure, there's an argument that can be made that LSU is the only legitimate champ of the 2003 season. That argument goes like this: "LSU was the only college football champion in 2003. The media's attempt to name USC as a champion is void of any merit. Furthermore, the media no longer is a legitimate proclaimer of a national champion."

There are websites devoted to this argument. There are charities set up to raise money in support of this argument. One "regular" poster on the ESPN.com message boards, a feisty lad with the moniker "LSUoverUSC", has made it his mission to convince the message-boarding populace of this cause (since 2003), and has even joined the blogosphere with a blog entitled, narcissistically, "LSUoverUSC".

Be sure to check out his magnum opus of a post, Legitimacy and Merit: Why LSU Was The Only Champ in 2003, for a PhD-length dissertation supporting his claims, complete with an "epilogue" (I guess all works of fiction have to contain one). While his blog is obvious mental masturbation, it's a more intelligent argument than that which the majority of LSU fans can drum up, which is namely to question the heterosexuality of USC's football team and fan base, and mention O.J. a few times.

Get the hell over it. The NCAA does not recognize a national champ in CFB. Sure, the crystal ball may have been the more "prestigious" of the two awards, but the AP has been crowning champions since the inception of the sport, and split titles are nothing new. And something is wrong with a system that doesn't allow the #1 team in the AP and Coaches' Polls to at least earn a share of the national championship.

It's now 2006. No one, outside of Louisiana, cares about this. USC sure doesn't. LSU's insecurity arguably acts to undermine their argument that they're the only legitimate 2003 national champ. But I digress. Play the below "YouTube" clip to see what I mean.

Which brings me to my next query...loyal readers (if there are any of you out there)...does USC have a legitimate claim to the 2003 national championship, or at least a share of it? Should State Fair Corn Dogs have replaced Nokia as the sponsor of the 2004 Sugar Bowl to better cater to the demographics of the LSU and Oklahoma fan bases? Can you really spell "slut" without LSU? You get the picture.

And we'll end with...Songs That Will Change Your Life

The instrumental between Track 7 and Track 8 of Keane's "Under The Iron Sea" album. A poignant instrumental that sounds like it would be a dirge in a "Lord of the Rings" type movie. "Crystal Ball" isn't too bad, either.