End of an era

Last week marked the end of an era for me. My ex-boyfriend, whom I always figured I'd get back together with and eventually marry (for better or for worse), told me that he is moving in with someone (a girl, assumedly) and wants only a "christmas card friendship" with me.

This comes two months after he drunkenly posts to me one of those "I love you and I always will" emails, where he essentially proposed that I move to Michigan with him. You read that right. Michigan. He then draws out a spreadsheet as to how marrying him would be a better financial decision for me than if I stayed in NYC, single. My ex-boyfriend is a lawyer, so he does make decent money. I am a special-forces operative for an elite quasi-military counterterrorist unit, so I make decent money too. Then, he lays this egg by saying "If you wanted to relax, you can quit your job and I can make the money for a while, and make more money than you ever could working in NYC by yourself."

So I deliberate for a couple of months. Then I decide. Why the hell not. The near $1,000 I spent at Temperley one brilliant Soho saturday (on a shirt and a dress) won't make me look any younger or any prettier. And all those silk floral Betsey Johnson blouses (at $300 a pop) will just go to waste if there's no decent man to appreciate them. And I've had enough of spending weeknights alone pouring Reisling down my throat while watching James Bond marathons on Spike TV. So, two months later, I bite - even though the coolest thing to do in Michigan is to drive to Chicago.

However, the fucktwit was dating someone while he wrote his drunken email to me - someone that he's now moving in with. I can picture this girl perfectly. Blonde, big tits, 4-year state school degree with possibly the token Masters. Hails from Ohio or Nebraska or Iowa. Drinks lite beer out of a can and thinks the Pulitzer Prize is related to preppy summer fashions, although she has never read any book awarded with one of those things (preferring instead, say, Nicholas Sparks). Has only left the States during university spring breaks when her sorority would go to Jamaica or Cancun "because MTV would be there!" Makes in the low to mid 5-figures and considers marriage an "exit option". Reminds people of Jen from the "Andrew Firestone" episode of The Bachelor.

But who knows. I could be completely wrong. For all I know, she could be, say, Indian, and from, like, London. In that case, she could actually be pretty cool.