Relationship Guys

I've come to a sort of "zen" place with regard to T.B. (the questionable "stalker" I mentioned a few posts down). After discussing him with several of my friends from Places Less Cynical Than New York, I have come to the realization that he is not a stalker, nor does he possess any emotional or mental deviancies of any kind. He's the rare breed of man, which is even rarer in Manhattan, who actually enjoys being in relationships. He's a relationship guy. And he wants a relationship with me, of all people.

T.B. has all the characteristics of the classic "relationship guy":

1) He likes to phone me up, just to chat. If I tell him of daily stressors, he asks to make sure that nothing is the matter, and offers to lend an ear if I need someone to talk to.

2) He likes to cuddle, and says things like "I want to spend the night with you and have you fall asleep in my arms" (note that this is post hook-up). Yes, this is atypical for New York men, who either leave post hook-up, or only spend the night because they've just came, and are too tired to attempt mobility.

3) He gives me flowers, pays me compliments, asks questions about my family (and shares details of his), and always likes to firm up future plans at the end of the evening. He'll email throughout the day, and sends me links to websites he thinks I'd find amusing. He lends me favorite books of his, unsolicited.

So why was I so afraid of this guy before? Have I, as a New Yorker, gotten so hard-hearted that when I actually come across a gallant, stand-up, quality man who wants to include me in his life that I assume he's either Got An Agenda or Is Mentally Unstable?

When a man wants to share himself emotionally with me, why balk? He's a relationship guy, and I live in New York, land of dating ADD, hyper self-centricism (is that even a word?) and the eternal Quest For An Upgrade. Thanks to JDate and Match.com, courtship has become as commoditized and impersonal as shopping on Bluefly, except the skirts bought off the latter inevitably last longer than men met off the former.

So, after a year's worth of duds, no-shows, one-hit wonders and broken promises (or hearts) - all too typical of dating in this city, sadly - perhaps it would behoove me to include in my life this Relationship Guy, even if it does mean sacrificing a few hours of "me-time" and sleep a few days or nights out of every week, and the idea of looking for the proverbial Something Better Around The Corner. But by relinquishing the "me-me-me" of the single life, I might actually gain (gasp!) love.

And love might just be the something that softens this beautifully hard, and occasionally hardly beautiful city.

So, yes, Manhattan, I'm suspending cynicism and am giving a worthy Relationship Guy a chance.