A Vegas Virgin's top 10 impressions of Sin City

1) There's no there there. No cute "local" scene to counteract the tourist traps. The strip is, in a sense, one large tourist trap, in multiple senses of the word.

2) You will never go hungry in Vegas.

3) It's like Disneyworld with alcohol and gambling. If Disneyland were Ryan Atwood, Vegas would be his alcoholic mother.

4) Unless you enjoy gambling (which I don't), there's no real reason for people from New York, L.A., SF, London, Paris, HK, Tokyo, Chicago or any other large city to go to Vegas. If I want to eat at Tao, watch Spamalot, and cap off the night at a guido-infested superclub, I can do that within a 5-mile radius of my apartment.

5) The city really, really, really misses Seigfried and Roy, and for good reason.

6) I can't decide whether the scene is more L.A. or Midwestern-suburbanites-pretending-to-be-L.A.

7) Paying $19 for a martini should only be justified in countries with a VAT, even if it is made with Hendrick's gin.

8) Bring a sweater to wear in the casinos.

9) The topless girls at Tao Beach fall into 2 categories : (1) those covertly sexing their male companions in the pool, and (2) those with the ugliest breasts.

10) If I ever feel the need to spend time in a desert town that's been extravagantly developed to turn itself into an adult playground for people who fancy themselves as "ballers", I'll be in Dubai.