Holiday zen

Nothing makes one think of the baby Jesus more than drunken co-eds dressed in Santa outfits chucking iceballs at one another in the Bethesda fountain.

Yep, the Holidays are here. I've realized something about the Holidays. After a certain age, say, the age one graduates from school and becomes a Productive Member of the Workforce, the Holidays become a net loss. You're not 9 anymore and don't eagerly pray for that Super Nintendo or pony or Hermes birkin bag or Ipod or Scarlett Johansson calendar or whatever kids are asking for these days. Your duty now, as a wage earner is twofold - (1) buy gifts for the non-wage earners (read: kids) you know, and (2) buy "payback" gifts for your family as gratitude for all those years that they bought you exactly what you told Santa you wanted. Yep, Mom and Dad shelled out for that Sega Genesis back in '91; time to reciprocate with an Ionic Breeze air purifier, Broadway show tickets and a 500-pixel digital camera.

But giving is the fun part of the Holidays for us wage-earners.

Back as students, the Holidays had a special kind of magic. The arrival of the Holidays meant that Finals were coming, and when the hellish ordeal of academic examination was over (in early-mid December), it was time to attend a few raucous congratulatory parties, then drag our gin-sodden selves to the airport for that glorious plane ride back to Home Sweet Home, where the most intellectual topic for debate was whether the right college football teams were playing in the BCS title game, and the most stressful test we'd have to pass was whether the bouncers would believe our fake IDs at the NYE party. The Holidays were 3 weeks of study-free bliss; a time to catch up on high school gossip (who got engaged, came out of the closet, did jail time etc...) and sleep.

Now as a wage-earner, nothing is for free. Take a couple of weeks off for Christmas to go home, and those are two weeks that you can't spend in Kenya in March. Don't take any time off, and, well, you're working on Christmas eve, and back in the office on the 26th, and who wants that? Sure, we can make a few more tax-deductible donations to feelgood charities, bake inedible sugar cookies, stare at the Lord & Taylor windows, push our way through the tourists gawking at the Saks snowflake light show, down a few Christmas Martinis and pretend we didn't hook up with Brady from Private Equity at the office holiday party. But the Holidays just won't be the same.

Until we have kids, that is. And the cycle repeats anew.