Update on the Match.com Experiment
Men love secretaries. At least, that's the response I'm getting. Since "altering" my profile to make me appear to be a secretary at a large investment bank downtown, the declarations of love just keep pouring in. Below are emails sent from potential suitors, with my comments in blue:
- I know I am outside of your search radius, but I had to send an email to compliment your profile. You seem like a very interesting person. Complex, sophisticated; a nice blend of yin and yang.
- Complex and sophisticated? I state in my profile that I am just as happy at Red Lobster as at any white-tablecloth restaurant. I purposely styled my profile to make the girl seem as "complex and sophisticated" as a Will Farrell flick.
- A 25-year-old claiming to make $150,001+ in "Financial Services" writes: "I especially like the part in your profile about hamburgers and bud light." Note that my profile stated that "Nothing beats hamburgers and a few Bud Lights". That part is actually true, if by "hamburgers" you mean the Foie Gras burger at DB Bistro, and by "Bud Light" you mean "Jameson On The Rocks". I think I'd rather go sober for the rest of my life than drink a beer that had "Lite" in its name.
- Your smile is amazing! From what I have read in your profile you sound like everything I am looking for and then some. You seem very down to earth, well rounded, and most of all a true sweetheart.
- Maybe that's because I state that I'd rather spend 2 weeks' vacation in Dayton, OH than in any exotic locale if the love of my life was from Dayton, OH. Which he would never be...
Some of the emails comment on my profession.
- A 36-year-old man claiming to have an Ivy League MBA writes, "What does your dog do that is so bad? Are the bankers you work under even worse? Just curious." Note that I actually liked his profile and responded back, telling him my real profession and making up the white lie that my job is sometimes so mind-numbingly boring that I feel like a secretary, so referring to myself as a secretary is occasionally more accurate than disclosing my real job title. He never responded back.
- A 26-year old Wall Street trader offers the bit of support: "So, how does a sweet girl like you stand working with a bunch of stuffy egomaniacal bankers? It must be complete hell!"
- A cute Aussie banker writes: "I love the synopsis of your job!"
- An associate at a private equity fund writes: "Clearly you're not spending enough time with big-ego finance types, because you're not getting enough of it at work." I emailed this one again, disclosing that I wasn't really a secretary, although I am treated like one at times which motivated the "job cynicism" in my profile. Never heard back.
- A new-to-the-city Englishman with multiple degrees, who is looking for "someone who I can laugh with (very important) and share some intellectually stimulating conversation with...hopefully over a nice bottle of wine or a couple of beers" writes: "I liked your profile - you seem unique, confident and interesting (and attractive) - I may be someone you might be interested in - I'm ambitious, fun and well traveled and educated - but I think also a genuine, good guy." Again, I emailed him, confessing the truth about my job. Again, radio silence. However, I have to wonder about why he emailed me in the first place if he's seeking intellectually stimulating conversation. I listed my favorite authors as Nicholas Sparks and Dan Brown, for shit's sake, and described myself as the "quintessential girl next door" whose hobbies include "brunch" and "window shopping".
Final Analysis: Men like non-threatening, vapid twits. OK, not all men, but an overwhelming amount of men claiming to make $150,000+ in "Financial Services" have emailed me since I altered my profile to come across as a small-minded, naive little secretary who loves cheap beer and airplane fiction, and doesn't know terribly much about the world outside America.
When the truth is disclosed, they run for the hills. Maybe it's the lie they don't like, and I should wait to spring the truth on them after 3 or 4 dates. I will try this tactic, and keep interested minds posted.
posted by Plain Jane Jones @ 6:06 AM
8 Comments:
Jane, this is getting so boring.
We get it. It's not your fault the men you want don't want you. It isn't because of your many faults. It couldn't be because you are unpleasant, crass, shallow, self-involved, and demanding. It must be because you are too smart, too educated, too successful, too ambitious, too worldly, too sophisticated, or whatever. Since it surely isn't you, it must be them. Whine, whine, whine, whine, whine.
Get over it. Bring back the Jane who wrote blogs expressing ignorant opinions on the world, culture, politics, and what its like to be a narcissistic and materialistic young professional in Manhattan who thinks she is cool and hip.
And it couldn't hurt to sex things up a bit.
Lee F.
Lee,
Constructive criticism taken. There just hasn't been much going on in the world for me to express my ignorant opinions on, so I choose to blog about Personal Experience, which some will undoubtedly find boring.
As for your final sentence, do you really think an unpleasant, crass, shallow, self-involved and demanding bitch like myself would be physically attractive enough to have a sex life worth picturing in your head? I didn't think so, thus I'll spare my readers the mental image of myself in various indelicate positions, and thus keep it clean.
Jane,
I made no comment on your physical attributes. The qualities I listed have little to do with physical attractiveness. Certainly you've met physically attractive people who are unpleasant, shallow, demanding, etc. Often, it is their attractiveness that allows them to get away with being so.
I also assume that unpleasant people have sex lives, as they do seem capable of reproducing themselves.
And I just suggested sexing it up "a bit." No need to be graphic (or indelicate) unless you are so inclined.
And "nothing going on in the world?" I didn't realize that we lived in a time of such peace, tranquility, and prosperity, while we await the new James Blunt release.
Lee
Will Farrell..its actuallly FERRELL
"And "nothing going on in the world?" I didn't realize that we lived in a time of such peace, tranquility, and prosperity, while we await the new James Blunt release."
As long as there will be future James Blunt releases, we will never live in peace, tranquility, or prosperity. That said, I haven't been in a particularly political mood lately; nothing political or cultural in the world has irked me enough for me to resort to bloggage as an outlet for my frustrations.
"Will Farrell..its actuallly FERRELL"
I'm actually proud of myself for not knowing the proper spelling of his name.
These guys are probably lying too. Hot, ivy-educated bankers making over 150K typically do not go on match.com.
If they wanted a girl to end up with for marriage, they probably have a number of decent social channels through which to meet the right girl to marry--coworkers, school, friends, etc.
And if they wanted a girl just to hook up with for a night I'm sure they could find one at a number of bars. Also, if they wanted a one-night hookup off the internet, they would probably pick the girl on looks--so if you met the looks criteria, they would have gone for you even when you were yourself.
Here is a thought. Perhaps all of the $150K+ earners in financial services that email you are full of shit. Maybe they're all support staff guys/bartenders/etc, and the reason they didn't email you when your profile was truthful is that they knew you'd be too smart to fall for the lie.
I just don't see how men with the qualifications you require would need match.com to find a woman. If they've gone to top notch schools, exceled there, and are personable enough to get hired in a high power job, they probably have an extensive social network of people who can set them up.
I do hope that you're not surprised that the guys who you informed of the sham didn't contact you back. Passing yourself of as a huge lie isn't real appealing to a new relationship.
By the way, there are plenty of crass, shallow, self-involved, demanding bitches who are plenty attractive enough for a man to picture them making whoopi. Being that way may take them out of the running of ever being a part of a relationship, friend or otherwise, with us, but that does not mean that the thought of sex is thrown away.
Did you see the breaking news about the 2003 National Championship?
If not, go to http://lsuoverusc.blogspot.com
_____________________________
1. USC agreed to the BCS contract.
2. BCS contract explicitly states that the winner of the National Championship Game is the one and only National Champion.
3. USC agreed to the formula the BCS uses to decide the #1 and #2 teams in America at the end of the regular season.
4. USC was not ranked either #1 or #2 in the only ranking that mattered. This was a result of USC playing only ONE ranked team all season AND losing to an unranked, six loss team. Had USC played two ranked teams, they would have been ranked #1 or #2. If USC hadn't lost to the unranked, six loss team, they would have been ranked #1.
5. Because USC did not earn a #1 or #2 ranking, they did not make it to the National Championship Game.
6. Because USC did not play in the National Championship Game, they did not win the National Championship.
So why do these USC fans continue to claim the 2003 National Championship, which LSU rightfully earned and won?
Because the AP voted them #1? Since the BCS was created and authorized by all the major college presidents and athletic directors, the AP title is obsolete. It has the same worth as the Dunkel or Golfer's Digest titles. The AP has no authority except that which it gives itself. The colleges did not authorize it, like the other various sources, to hand out titles, so why do you mention it in the same breath as the BCS?
Post a Comment
<< Home