The problem with Bond
I was a weird child. While most young girls fantasized about being princesses, I imagined myself a Bond Girl. Beautiful, intelligent, lethal, and every part the feminine equal of 007 himself. Bond Girls, to me, were always the perfect confluence of feminism and femininity.
Until I watched Casino Royale.
Something about the character of Vesper Lynd bugged the crap out of me and I couldn't put my finger on it. She had exotic, unique looks, was an accountant, and saved Bond's ass on numerous occasions. Someone that I, if I had seen the movie 2 or 3 years ago, would identify with and root for. But not anymore.
And then it hit me. The actress who plays Vesper is 25. Daniel Craig is 37. They would never have cast a mid-30s actress to play opposite to Bond, especially if Bond's character apparently falls in love with said character.
Thus reinforcing my fears that the older we get, the more precipitously our stock drops. Yep, I've reached that age where I've begun to get "age-conscious". When I was 21, I would have "fat days" where I would stare at myself in the mirror and pout because my body looked softer than I hoped it would. Now, at 26, I have "old days", where I can feel the age showing in my face and slowly and irreversibly deteriorating it.
Thus, what Casino Royale emphasized for me was that as an older woman, I will no longer be seen as desirable by men, and if given a choice, a man will always "go younger". And, while running marathons and eating properly may help me maintain an attractive weight, there's no recipe for maintaining age. The effects of gravity and time are inevitable.
Anyone who has ever seen The Bachelor should know this. An attractive, mid-30s Bachelor who has attained a degree of career success and financial stability has a stable of 25 beauties to choose from, and he often eliminates the oldest and the ones with the most prestigious professions until he is left with 2 or 3 women who are 10 years younger than him, in non-threatening professions.
Internet dating sites are likewise telling. It's not uncommon for a 30-year-old man to be searching for women aged 18-28, i.e. willing to date a teenager barely out of high school, but not willing to date a fellow 30something who might (*gasp*) have actually more in common with him personally and professionally.
Fortunately, it seems like younger men (i.e. men in their early to late 20s) are more tolerant of the idea of dating a woman their age or a few years older. It's not unheard of for a 26-year-old man to be seeking for women 22-30, or even a 29-year-old seeking women 25-35; however there are plenty 27-year-olds seeking women 19-25, and most men 25 and younger claim not to be interested in dating a woman their age or older.
The most cynical of men I've run into (Hamptons housemates with day jobs as traders at Morgan Stanley) held the fervent belief that at least one of their future wives has not even been born yet, but I suspect (or hope) that they're an insignificant minority.
So, what's a single girl in her mid-2os to mid-30s do if she doesn't want to "go older"? At what age should a girl begin to "settle" if she still harbors dreams of marriage?
posted by Plain Jane Jones @ 7:10 AM
9 Comments:
I think you should look elsewhere for a man and relax your requirements.
Look, I don't know you so I could totally be wrong. I'm not saying all guys who meet your requirements are jerks or that you should find a guy who will blow your bonus on beer--but I think you can find a guy who will give you what you need emotionally if you relax your requirements. And before you tell me about money requirements, someone with a job in, say, academia, or something is still capable of supporting himself just fine.
Let's face it--someone with your requirements for is probably unlikely to have time to listen to you when you're upset about things. And I think, based on your interests as you describe them, you're actually more likely to find someone whose interests match yours if you look elsewhere.
Boo hoo. Woe is me. I can't enjoy Bond movies anymore because they just remind me I can't find a hubby.
You are right. Your chances of attracting the type of man you want were never good (you'll notice that none of the commenters on your blog seem to think you are likely to land such a man). And your self-pity and self-absorbtion aren't sweetening the pot.
By the way, do you even know any men who you actually like (notwithstanding their qualifications as a potential husband)? That may be a good place to start.
You both missed the point of my latest post. My point was not some "woe-is-me" diatribe. The post merely suggested that older women like myself simply have it much harder than our younger counterparts when it comes to attracting legitimate males.
Men seem to think that when they're 35+ they can land any hot, young girl in her early to mid-20s, and men in their mid-late 20s gravitate towards women in their late teens or early 20s. Since I've moved to NYC, I have only seen men with age-similar girlfriends if they met such girlfriend while in school. The only older-girl-younger-guy couple that I know involves an early-30s girl and a mid/late 20s man, but she's half African-American (hence she ages considerably better than her lighter-skinned counterparts) and a former model.
"Your chances of attracting the type of man you want were never good (you'll notice that none of the commenters on your blog seem to think you are likely to land such a man)."
I find this comment peculiar because I never described in detail the kind of man I want on this blog, and if I did, there's nothing really different between him and the kind of man that 90% of women are looking for, or at least wouldn't mind finding.
And I'm curious. What about me gives me a poor chance of attracting the kind of man that you think I want? In the spirit of constructive criticism, do tell.
why is everyone who comments on your posts such a total asshole to you?
"why is everyone who comments on your posts such a total asshole to you?"
I couldn't tell you. I suspect most of them are either (1) men who have subconscious misogynistic tendencies, (2) females who like to engage in trip-the-prom-queen cattiness toward other females, or (3) friends of mine who just like to stir up argument. Either way, it's quite entertaining; nothing generates a strong belly laugh like hearing the negative things that complete strangers have to say about you.
"females who like to engage in trip-the-prom-queen cattiness toward other females"
I have no doubt some of the posters here fall under this category, but you have to admit that you yourself sure spend a lot of time bitching about blonde "sorority girls" and "prom queen" types.
I think somebody once said something like, "you better live a life that's interesting, because that'll be what's attractive when you're older." Or something like that. Guys who are looking for someone 10-15 years younger are just delusional. You, however, are smart, grounded in reality, and have an interesting perspective about things. That'll be attractive to the non-delusional men no matter how old you are. :-)
"I have no doubt some of the posters here fall under this category, but you have to admit that you yourself sure spend a lot of time bitching about blonde "sorority girls" and "prom queen" types."
This is true. However, it's an illustration of the principle that smart girls will alwaye be jealous of the pretty ones, and the pretty girls will always be jealous of the smart ones. Girls who are smart AND pretty will always be jealous of the girls that, say, run faster, have more money, are younger etc.... There's always a reason for a girl to be jealous of another girl. My jealousies are just focused around a certain type of look because I find that guys usually dump me for girls that, say, look like Amanda Hearst or Rachel McAdams as opposed to Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman or Jessica Alba.
To the "anonymous" a-hole of the Dec. 11th post - why such harsh and personal attacks on PlaneJane? I highly doubt you know her or else you would know she is an exceptionally beautiful, smart and interesting girl providing witty commentary on the world around us.
Do you really have so much time in your day that you choose to spend it making unprovoked personal attacks? I suppose it is easier than forming an intelligent opinion and engaging in a civilzed debate.
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